We just yet another argument about his use of porn xchange, and I do not know what to do. I feel like I’m going crazy with conflicting thoughts and emotions are so much in my head: anger, betrayal, love, compassion, self-loathing, fear, suffering … I’ll lose my mind first, or my relationship? Why am I not good enough for him? How can I get him to listen to me? How can he continue to betray me and do not care? I tried several times to tell him how I feel about it, hoping he could do something to change. How many of our arguments on this subject? I lost count. I cried more than I have something or someone else in my life. Each time, he was clearly angry that my tears, and every time he “promised” to change … but did not for long. I think it really get rid of the last time. It seemed, it seems to make an effort. But I was wrong. I believe – and he betrayed me.
I never thought I was bad, I do not want to, but I guess I have – all he wants is a woman who is not like me. He says he likes small breasts, but that’s not what I saw him looking at me. He says he loves my body, but he saw a woman does not have numbers like mine. He said, “I married you, right?”. Yes, she married me … but he does not want me. Not that he said, but the message I got loud and clear: I am useful when it can’t have porn. I’m boring, is not perfect, not good enough. The women he saw in movies and pictures all much more beautiful than me with their perfect body BangBros. They do things that I hate. They are horrible, bad people, and I hate them all … but they look and act so perfect. I thought that I look more like them, perhaps that I wanted instead. But now I’m not so sure. I tried a few clothes, I tried to be more adventurous in bed get BangBros reviews, I tried a position that would make a yoga instructor WinCE – but it still does not have me. Maybe if I get a boob job and liposuction … but I’m afraid to do so, because what if it still does not want me? Then I’ll know it’s really “just me” is all wrong, I really just people who are not worthy of him. He says he loves me, but how can I believe?
